It is in these moments of tender and ridiculous nostalgia that I know something inside me is still broken."
When I heard about the #RealBloggerBeauty campaign I knew I had to be a part of if. Maya of Charmingly Styled encouraged us to take part in honest blogging and to be transparent in our posts. I can't thank her enough for this charge.
This is an idea I feel so strongly about because I regularly suffer from an extremely vivid imagination. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter. All it takes is one image or a short line and I can write the most enchanting tale.
I love to write and often catch myself writing the stories of other people's lives to be far more than I consider my life to be.
But something is missing. And sometimes, everything is missing. My mom is my best friend. I say is because I know I will never be able to find anyone that loves me how she does. I feel blessed to have had a mom as selfless and unwavering as mine was. Most of the time. But there are times in my struggle that it feels like curse in the middle of the blessing of a lifetime.
My mom passed away about 8 years ago. Growing up I had always feared her dying. I don't know why that was. I can remember back as early as 4th grade having that fear. I never wanted to be away from home and homesick was the emotion I felt most regularly. I hate feeling homesick. To this day... and I feel homesick a lot.
Trying to live my life without my mom is a never-ending battle. We were so close that there is a void that feels like it is unfillable. So many things feel empty when they shouldn't. My biggest successes are less sweet without sharing them with her.
I do believe that she is with me through my every step. I know I was lucky to have her for as long as I did, but it doesn't make being without her any easier. The grief books all said that my life would forever be split it half, and sadly I know just what that means.
I feel closest to my mom when I am at the water watching sunset. The sunsets in my Sunsets & Stilettos is in her memory, the way my mom lives forever in mine.